I was on tooth fairy duty tonight. My little boy has lost another front tooth. So, as you do, I waited till he fell asleep, nipped into his room, got the tooth (rap it in a tissue, much easier to find) and replaced it with a pound (inflation).
Before that I'd been in my home office/studio playing on the PC and listening to music. So when I got the tooth I went back in, looked around for a safe place to put the tooth, opened a cupboard and found an old packet of photos.
Now when I say old, I mean the late 1960's. All in black and white and a lot of me when I was about 2 or 3. My Mum had had a serious accident at work and was recovering in a sea side convalescence home, so she looked really quite ill, while I looked a bit chubbier than I remember.
The memories came running back, especially when I saw a picture of me with the 2 girls I was friends with at the time. I can still remember wondering why we were treated differently. I can even to this day remember a dream where we were all dressed the same. Since I was no more than 4 at the time I can't imagine it was anything sexual.
Whether it is was seeing my Mum looking so ill or seeing me so young, still to feel the impact of gender dysphoria, I don't know. But the tears just came. I looked at my face, thinking that the only thing I was worrying about was how long I could stay out playing.
I'm happy with the way my life is progressing but sometimes the regret of missing what could have been gets too much.
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