Out with your Mum?

When I was finally told that the doctors agreed and that I did have gender dysphoria and then started on hormones, I didn't think for one minute that life would suddenly be fantastic and everything would be great.

I expected life to pretty much go back to normal. I even expected myself to occasionally wonder if I'd done the right thing.

What I didn't expect was to have doubts about being female. Now this isn't me just having second thoughts. I've not even considered coming off of HRT. It was more a case of wondering what's so female about me...

... Now as you read you will see one blog. However there has been nearly a month since I started this post and this new sentence. (17/10/2010)

Quite frankly I forgot I had started this particular post. However, I feel that it's useful to complete it.

I did feel anything but feminine when I started this post. However, over the last few days I have started to notice a few things. For instance, when I'm washing my hands I'll look up and there is something in my reflection that I can only describe as feminine. I can't say what but it is there. I can only put it down to 5 months of hormones that are starting to take effect (remember that I have very low T-levels).

The daftest sign of me looking feminine, was when I was out with my wife and son. Not even trying. A friend of my wife asked if she was out with her Mother (i.e. me).

As insulted as I was (25 years age gap), when we both stopped laughing we realised just what it meant.

So, dear reader, in one post you have the self doubt to the budding realisation of what's possible.

x

Clues that it's not a fetish

Sometimes I wonder if, for me, the whole trans thing is just a big fetish and that I'm kidding myself on. But then there are daft little things that make me realise this is just too every day to be a fetish. For instance, I need new boots. Why? Simple. My old ones have worn out. And I don't mean a broken heal. I mean proper worn out, hole in the sole stuff.

I love those boots. I'll see if they can be re-soled but I doubt it.

Bike ride

Last weekend was the bike ride that I've been training for. Pedal for Scotland. 51 miles from Glasgow to Edinburgh. It was great fun and I'm so glad I did the training. Now, as I've said many times, I am not a light weight. I am very over weight and despite all the training, I haven't lost that much weight. However, I am delighted to say that I did the run in 4 hours 45 minutes, which was right in the middle of my target time; 4 and a half to 5 hours.

I have lost enough weight though to actually now fit into proper cycling gear. However, a crop top was used underneath my cycling shirt for comfort and to avoid a now very noticeable bouncing.

I'll be doing it again next year but a bit differently. Next year I will try to improve my time, I'll ride it on a road bike (about to be ordered) rather than a mountain bike, probably slimmer but needing a proper sports bra by then and lastly, after seeing the official photos, I'll smile more.

I might even be tempted to show people my picture then :-)